remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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