According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
