they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
