My first STD was from a foam party
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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