In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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