Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
