Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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