do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
