Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
