hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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