YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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