thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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