"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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