There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
