come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The Olympian is in my bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
