I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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