I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
