I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
