sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
