Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
