New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
