Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
