bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
