I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
