Please, let me fuck your mom
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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