so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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