I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
