i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
