A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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