trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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