Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
