First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
