so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
