somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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