Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i believe in u and ur pee
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
