I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
