Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My ass is underappreciated
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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