I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
pray to the hookup gods
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
