we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
