thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
