Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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