I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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