Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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