bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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