I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
