my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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