At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
