What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
