At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
