Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
