Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
