the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
