Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
