Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
