i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
