So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
