She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
