If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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