she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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