every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
