I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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