dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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