$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just puked most of my soul out..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize