We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
