I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
