I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
