My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
